Today=utter shite.

So I'm not going to talk about it. Instead, here are some cute quotes from Criminal Minds that I picked up off a Chinese Spencer Reid fansite:

Garcia: Ok, gorgeous, I've put this thing through every audio filter I've got. There's only one thing I can tell you for sure. This guy isn't saying "Karen." It's more like "ka-rown."
Morgan: Garcia, what the hell is “ka-rown”?
Garcia: If I figure it out, does it earn me a night of passionate lovemaking?
Morgan: Most definitely, sweetness... with Reid. Bye.

Morgan: Oh, you gotta be kidding me. OCD? I'm thinking more like OMG.
Reid: OMG? Object Management Group?
Morgan: Oh My God.

Reid: Hotch, I was a twelve year old child prodigy in a Las Vegas public high school. You kick like a nine year old girl.

Reid: Look at me. Without a gun on my belt, I look like a teacher's assistant.

Hotch: Nice shot.
Reid: I was aiming for his leg.

Reid: I don't know everything. I mean, despite the fact that you think that I do.
Morgan: I never said that. When have I ever said that?
Reid: Every day since I met you.
Elle: This morning at breakfast.
Hotch: Yesterday when he beat you at cards.
Morgan: Anybody ever heard of sarcasm?
All The Others: M-hem.

John Blackwolf: Samuel, tell the men from the FBI who the Ga'he are.
Reid: The Ga'he are mighty spirits who dwell in desert caves.
Hotchner: Reid, is your name Samuel?
Reid: Sorry.

John Blackwolf: (to Gideon) You look like a college professor. (to Reid) You look like his student. (to Hotch) You…You look like a FBI.

Reid: Are you hacking into the government's HMO database? Is that legal?
Garcia: 'Course not. We'll go to prison, and you'll be someone's bitch.
Reid: Really? (fascinated)

Reid: Do you think it's weird that I knew that ballad?
Elle: Reid, I don't know how you know half the things you know, but I'm glad you do.
Reid: Do you think it's why I can't get a date?
Elle: Have you ever asked anyone out?
Reid (shifty eyes): No.
Elle: THAT's why you can't get a date.

Morgan: God, I hate not having a plan. We're looking for a needle in a haystack here.
Reid: Actually, it's more like we're looking for a needle in a pile of needles.

Reid: We need some butts rushed to the lab for DNA analysis.
Garcia: Oh, Reid. I love it when you say 'butts.'

Reid: Well, he's obviously been here before and left these ... ‘gifts’ for her.
Prentiss: How romantic.
Hotch: His version of romance.
Prentiss: What--are you trying to say? You think he keeps coming back here because he's in love with her?
Reid: That's impossible. A sexual sadist can't feel love.
Hotch: Well, define love.
Reid: Chemically, it involves surging brain elements called monoamines, dopamines, norepinephrine, and serotonin. Love chemicals controlled by phenethylamine, Also found in--
Prentiss: Chocolate. I love chocolate.
Reid: Peas, too! It's also found in peas!
Prentiss: Peas?
Hotch: Reid?
Reid: Indeed, some veritable--
Hotch: Reid, stop. Please.

Prentiss: How'd you guys do?
Hotch: Well, Reid got propositioned by every prostitute we talked to…

Reid: You should have listened to me.
Morgan: It wouldn't have saved that much time, Reid, let it go.
Reid: The interchange between the 405 and the 101 freeways is consistently rated the worst interchange in the entire world.
Morgan: Why do you know that?
Reid: The government report.
Morgan: So what?
Reid: So you work for the government, you don't read the reports?
Morgan: On traffic patterns in a city 2,500 miles from where I live?
Reid: 2,295 miles.
Morgan: Don't make me smack you in front of all these people

I'm so glad Criminal Minds is on tonight. So's Important Things with Demetri Martin.
Twice the cute, quirky, geniusy type: